I need to set the record straight

Not everyone who is overweight is worried or upset about their size. There are many confident, happy and totally content people who are overweight just as there are even more thin and/or average size people who are insecure, unhappy and miserable.

I've been both and for the first time in my life I want to be the healthy, confident, happy, content and comfortable woman that likes living in her own skin. Please note that I didn't say "normal" because if I've learned anything in the past thirty-one years, it's that "normal" is only a setting on the washing machine.

Shedding pounds is more of a matter of self-discovery than weight loss.

To people who aren't overweight or who don't understand, being overweight can seem like a simple problem. "You're eating too much and not exercising enough." "It's all so simple - calories in and calories out." "So just eat less and exercise more." There isn't a worn out cliché that I haven't heard.

Seriously...if losing weight were that simple, no one would be fat in the first place.

Although there are varying opinions in the medical field as to the actual percentage of morbidly obese people who have been sexually abused, they all agree, however, that the number is more than fifty percent. So what is the connection between sexual abuse and developing an eating disorder? The answer is guilt, shame, anesthesia, self-punishment, soothing, comfort, protection and rage.

However, it's important that I set the record straight because this is my story - this is my journey. I'm not saying or implying that every plump, full-figured, fat, obese, morbidly obese or super obese person has been sexually, physically or mentally abused. They have not. It's not a "one size fits all" answer.

As shocking as it may be to the rest of the "normal" world, there are people of size that flat out enjoy being large and in charge.  They enjoy food. They enjoy smelling, exploring, cooking, tasting, eating and eating and eating food.

There are also people who can eat anything and everything they want and never gain a pound. I know, I am married to one of the best. Michael Costen consumes an entire package of Nutter Butter cream cookies - yes the entire package - every night. Yep, every night. And that's only because the doctor told him that eating an entire one pound package of dark chocolate Hershey Kisses was not helping his cholesterol levels.

But do you know what really fries my eggs? He doesn't and hasn't gained a single pound. We've been married for 12 years and he weighs the same today as the day I met him - I do not.

How does he do it, you ask? Because he's crafty and has learned how to transfer calories by osmosis. No, I'm serious. It's a trick that all skinny people have mastered. That's why they're s-k-i-n-n-y. They're a diabolical group who somehow figured out how to push their calories onto someone else.

Have you ever seen a calorie? No, of course you haven't - they're invisible. Just like we can't see grams of fat, fiber or protein but we know they exist.

This group would like to have the rest of us believe they've mastered the "calories in and calories out" thing. But what they've really mastered is the ability to reflect the calories to someone else. Need proof?

You're sitting outside enjoying one of the late spring evenings we've been having the past couple of nights. Suddenly something bites you but there's nothing on your arm. You know you've been bit because it stings but there isn't a bug to be found. That's because it was one of our own New England "can't see 'um" bugs.

Well, I think that skinny people have somehow learned the skill of invisibly transferring their calories to us fat ones. They've figured out how to make the calories leave their food - without compromising flavor of course - and fly right over to us and POOF! the pounds are there. We didn't see the calories moving through the air nor did we see them land on our body until suddenly we've gained another pound.

Hmmm, on second thought... maybe they are the aliens. Maybe they're from another galaxy and they're fattening us up like cattle before they're slaughtered. Maybe they're not really humans but creatures from outer space who were sent to Earth thousands of years ago. Maybe they took the dinosaurs first and then the Mayans next. Maybe on December 21, 2012 they'll be coming back to harvest the 44 overweight percent of the world's population.

Wait a minute! I seem to remember a t-shirt that my husband thought was clever when we were shopping at a store in Old Orchard Beach a couple of years ago. Hmmm, what was on the front of the shirt? Oh yes. "Don't worry, we're safe. When the aliens return they'll eat the fat ones first... they taste better."

Well, I may be fat - but you're ugly and I'm on a diet!