What’s the Harm in a Little Gossip?

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector

The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)

5 North Main Street, Webster, MA   01570

www.reconciliationweb.org

As a kid I recall hearing this riddle:  What are the best ways to spread gossip?  Answer:  Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-woman.  It was one of those little jokes that men loved to repeat.  As I got older I realized two things:  one, it really wasn’t that funny; and two, it reinforced a gender stereotype that was harmful to women.  This is not to say that I thought women didn’t gossip.  It was more about the fact that men do it, too.  They just called it something else which our culture thought gave it credence.  Men called it discussion. Now, lest you think I am about to engage in male-bashing, let me add that in recent years women have joined the ranks of those who engage in this kind of discussion, and more’s the pity.

A few weeks ago, a good friend shared a particularly difficult situation with me, and asked for my opinion and counsel.  She meets with a group of professionals (men and women) once a month to discuss business trends, concerns within their profession, recent articles regarding the work, etc.  She has enjoyed these meetings and found them useful.  However, she explained that invariably the talk turns to one or two other professionals not in attendance.  The talk varied from out and out repudiations of what the absent professionals had said or done, to cruel parodies of how they spoke, or the mannerisms they had.  My friend found herself feeling very uncomfortable.  Rather than join in, she would remain silent and hope that the conversation would turn to something more useful and pleasant.

We might say that what my friend witnessed was a form of gossip, but I give it an even stronger name.  I call it bullying.  We have all seen first-hand the horrible effects bullying can have on young people.  The recent public efforts to educate young people on the harm of bullying are long overdue.  But,what about adults?  Perhaps we feel that because a person is no longer a child or teenager, all bets are off, and we can talk or tease without restriction whether the person is absent or present, and they should be able to “just deal with it.”  Perhaps we attempt to convince ourselves that “it is all in good fun,” or that we are simply expressing our opinions which happen to be contradictory to that of the other.  The truth is that bullying by any other name or description is still unacceptable.

The fact that adults disagree with one another is as old as humankind itself.  Clearly, we cannot, and probably should not all have the same opinions on things in this life.  However, there are venues available for rational, mature discussions, where both sides are equally represented.  What my friend was experiencing was hardly rational, mature, or a discussion, for that matter.  It was simply an opportunity for these men and women to gossip, bully, and pontificate at the expense of individuals not present to defend themselves or their positions.

Now, I don’t think I have to state the obvious here, but I will.  I sincerely doubt that God tolerates this kind of behavior very well.  Because we are dealing with adults in this instance, we do not have the authority we might have in attempting to change the behavior of children.  However, I believe God still expects us to act in a way that demonstrates our Christian understanding of how to show respect for one another.  That means we need to remove ourselves from the situation at hand, so that perhaps our action will cause the others to ask “why.”  If that question is asked, then we have the opportunity to carefully and gently explain the discomfort we feel in a situation where bullying or gossip is being employed.  In fact, I told my friend that if she continued to attend these meetings, she was complicit in the harm being done to the others not present.  This was tough for her to hear, but because she could see the harm being done, she made the decision to leave the group.

The “happy ending” here would be to tell you that the other members of the group asked my friend why she chose to leave, but sadly, none of them have.  My friend and I have come to the conclusion that the others know the answer to the question, so they have decided not to ask.  If they ask, then they know they will be hard-pressed not to change their behavior, and that behavior is a pleasure they simply do not wish to give up.  Sin is always pleasurable.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
5 North Main Street, Webster, MA   01570

www.reconciliationweb.org

As a kid I recall hearing this riddle:  What are the best ways to spread gossip?  Answer:  Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-woman.  It was one of those little jokes that men loved to repeat.  As I got older I realized two things:  one, it really wasn’t that funny; and two, it reinforced a gender stereotype that was harmful to women.  This is not to say that I thought women didn’t gossip.  It was more about the fact that men do it, too.  They just called it something else which our culture thought gave it credence.  Men called it discussion. Now, lest you think I am about to engage in male-bashing, let me add that in recent years women have joined the ranks of those who engage in this kind of discussion, and more’s the pity.

A few weeks ago, a good friend shared a particularly difficult situation with me, and asked for my opinion and counsel.  She meets with a group of professionals (men and women) once a month to discuss business trends, concerns within their profession, recent articles regarding the work, etc.  She has enjoyed these meetings and found them useful.  However, she explained that invariably the talk turns to one or two other professionals not in attendance.  The talk varied from out and out repudiations of what the absent professionals had said or done, to cruel parodies of how they spoke, or the mannerisms they had.  My friend found herself feeling very uncomfortable.  Rather than join in, she would remain silent and hope that the conversation would turn to something more useful and pleasant.

 We might say that what my friend witnessed was a form of gossip, but I give it an even stronger name.  I call it bullying.  We have all seen first-hand the horrible effects bullying can have on young people.  The recent public efforts to educate young people on the harm of bullying are long overdue.  But,what about adults?  Perhaps we feel that because a person is no longer a child or teenager, all bets are off, and we can talk or tease without restriction whether the person is absent or present, and they should be able to “just deal with it.”  Perhaps we attempt to convince ourselves that “it is all in good fun,” or that we are simply expressing our opinions which happen to be contradictory to that of the other.  The truth is that bullying by any other name or description is still unacceptable.

The fact that adults disagree with one another is as old as humankind itself.  Clearly, we cannot, and probably should not all have the same opinions on things in this life.  However, there are venues available for rational, mature discussions, where both sides are equally represented.  What my friend was experiencing was hardly rational, mature, or a discussion, for that matter.  It was simply an opportunity for these men and women to gossip, bully, and pontificate at the expense of individuals not present to defend themselves or their positions.

Now, I don’t think I have to state the obvious here, but I will.  I sincerely doubt that God tolerates this kind of behavior very well.  Because we are dealing with adults in this instance, we do not have the authority we might have in attempting to change the behavior of children.  However, I believe God still expects us to act in a way that demonstrates our Christian understanding of how to show respect for one another.  That means we need to remove ourselves from the situation at hand, so that perhaps our action will cause the others to ask “why.”  If that question is asked, then we have the opportunity to carefully and gently explain the discomfort we feel in a situation where bullying or gossip is being employed.  In fact, I told my friend that if she continued to attend these meetings, she was complicit in the harm being done to the others not present.  This was tough for her to hear, but because she could see the harm being done, she made the decision to leave the group.

The “happy ending” here would be to tell you that the other members of the group asked my friend why she chose to leave, but sadly, none of them have.  My friend and I have come to the conclusion that the others know the answer to the question, so they have decided not to ask.  If they ask, then they know they will be hard-pressed not to change their behavior, and that behavior is a pleasure they simply do not wish to give up.

Sin is always pleasurable.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

www.reconciliationweb.org

By now most folks have heard that a professor at Harvard Divinity School has possession of a small scrap of papyrus with Coptic writing on it.  The item has been examined by many experts, and it is generally agreed that it dates back to the 4^th century A.D.  The question at hand is what exactly does it say?  A separate set of linguistic experts are debating the wording.  Some think it refers to Jesus having a wife.  Obviously, this possibility has many people buzzing.  If the item is authentic, and what is written on it is also authentic, denominations that have maintained Jesus was a celibate, unmarried man will be scrambling to determine how best to deal with this sudden change in religious history.

The idea that clergy in these denominations should not be married is partially based upon their assumption that Jesus was never married.  I must admit I never quite understood why Jesus’ marital status had any bearing on his ability to be our Savior.  We believe that Jesus was fully human and fully divine.  Scripture tells us precious little about the human side of Jesus, but logic, and what we know about being human dictate that Jesus undoubtedly experienced every emotion and physical manifestation as every other human being. Jesus slept. Jesus ate. Jesus prayed. Jesus laughed. Jesus cried. Jesus had good friends. Jesus went fishing. Jesus knew how to build things. Jesus read Scripture. Jesus went to the synagogue. Jesus got angry. And along with all of this, Jesus was the Son of God.  Fully God.  Somehow he managed to live being both human and divine.

So, why do we have difficulty with the concept of Jesus being married?  Is it his chastity that we are concerned with?  Human beings were created by God, and part of that creation included the blessing of physically coming together in love.  In other words, God would not have created humans as sexual beings if God thought it was wrong for us to love one another in that way as married people.

It is no secret to theologians everywhere that, for many years, there was a definite split between mind, body and spirit.  The body, or flesh, was considered sinful and weak.  The mind and spirit were thought to be the only place where God could reside within us.  Over the recent years, that mindset has begun to change, but it is a very slow process.  The human body is neither “dirty,” “weak,” nor “sinful” unless we allow it to be.  The same can be said about our minds and spirits.  We make choices every day that determine the sacredness of all three aspects of our being.

So all of this begs these questions: would Jesus have loved us less if he had been married?  Would Jesus not have died for us if he had been married?  Would he not have risen on the third day if he had been married?  I think not.  God the Father made his Son fully human and fully divine for a reason.  We can relate to Jesus in his humanity as well as in his divinity, and God the Father knew this would be true.

Having said all of this, I will admit that being a married priest (Episcopal) is not easy.  My husband, son, and extended family are part of my ministry in the sense that they understand that my life is sometimes not my own.  They need to be as flexible as I am regarding our time together, and that takes hard work and sacrifice.  But then, nothing worth doing is ever easy.  I am not the first to do it, and I will not be the last.  We know that most of Jesus’ apostles were married—including Peter.  Though we have no written record of it, we can assume that these men also had children.  Being married and having children may have made it very difficult at times for these men to do the work Jesus entrusted to them, and it is possible they left their homes and families to the care of others, but that is a choice they made.  They were not forced to leave that part of their lives behind.  Being a married woman and mother has enhanced my service to God and others because it helps me to see life more fully.

If it is proven that Jesus did have a wife, he will still be the Son of God, our Savior.  I will not love him less, or carry out the mission he left to his church with less fervor.  Instead, I will rejoice in the knowledge that he, too, knew the joys and challenges of what it is to share his life with someone in the sacred covenant of marriage.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA
www.reconciliationweb.org

As of the close of the Democratic National Convention on September 6th, there were 60 days remaining until every eligible American has the opportunity to step into a voting booth and register his or her choice for the next President of the United States.  I have always been impressed by the magnitude of this event every four years—and  equally disheartened—by how many Americans either do not vote or vote without much thought behind their choice.

Sadly, some people feel their vote does not matter or that the platforms of the candidates do not really address the issues important in the lives of most Americans.  Others simply vote the “party line” regardless of the issues at hand (probably the worst kind of ideology—maybe even idolatry).  Still others are turned off by what they feel are less than honest politicians whose ultimate obligation is not to Americans, but to those who make their candidacy and election possible.  And, of course, there are plenty of people who do not vote because they are tired of the mutual mudslinging used to disguise the fact that neither party has anything to say of any substance beyond political rhetoric.

As a Christian woman, wife, mother, and priest of the Church, I have to admit that for all the reasons I just noted—and undoubtedly for more than I have noted—I have struggled from time to time with going to the polls myself.  However, I can honestly say that I have never missed voting in a Presidential election because I believe it is simply too important not to exercise that privilege as an American.  I share in the same frustrations as everyone else when it comes to politics and our less-than-perfect (essentially) two-party system.  Still, I will not give up the opportunity to support the individual whom I feel has the greatest potential to lead our nation in a manner commensurate with my personal and professional values.

When I vote, I use as a guide those values and principles that shape me: as a Christian; as a woman, wife and mother; and, of course, as a priest.  Sometimes what I hear from candidates makes it challenging to truly determine how they measure up against the guide I am using.   That is when I use the most powerful guide I have—prayer.  I have always prayed before I vote.  I ask God to determine who is the most qualified, honest and caring person to lead our country.  I consciously bless the person for whom I am casting my ballot.  In truth, I want God to do the choosing, not me—because the reality is that I am no more perfect than those running for election.

I invite each of you to pray before, during and after you vote in November.  Pray for God’s hand to be in this election.  Pray for the character, intelligence and ability of whoever is elected.  Pray for our one nation under God, that there may be security, liberty and justice for all.

August 22, 2012

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

This is heartbreaking.  There are simply no other words for what we are experiencing here today.  Parents do not expect to outlive their child.  Friends do not think about having to go on living without their buddy, their colleague, their comrade in arms.  It’s just unnatural, and unfair, and seemingly senseless.

No matter the circumstances, whenever a life is lost unexpectedly and/or too soon, the typical response is to ask “Why?”  We look for a reason—a way to make some sense of it all.  We find ourselves drowning in a sea of “what-if’s” or “if-only’s.”  And, more often than not, we look for someone to blame.  Much of the time, consciously or unconsciously, we blame God.

Now, because God is God, there is no need for little mortal me to become God’s defender—to try and convince everyone that God had nothing to do with what happened to Kevin.  But precisely because God is God, I am compelled to share what I believe about God’s role in our lives—both the good and the bad.

We have to start by knowing that God loves us.  That’s it.  God created us because God loves us.  And because God loves us, we were given free will in this life.  God wants us to use that free will to demonstrate our love for God in return.  That’s all God wants—just our love in return—and to love one another.  The tough part is that no matter how much we love God and one another, and strive to live a good life, we are human beings, and as such we are subject to all kinds of frailties—some of those frailties can lead us to sin, but others are frailties of our physical bodies that lead to disease, injury, aging, and ultimately death.  Our lives are full of risks, and we can fall prey to any of them at any time, knowingly or unknowingly.  That is the simple reality of our human lives.

The circumstances that led to Kevin’s accident were not caused by God.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that when God saw the reaction of Kevin’s family and friends when they learned of his death, God wept, too.  Just the way Jesus wept when Lazarus died.

I am often asked, “Well, if God is so powerful and loves us so much, why does God allow these things to happen?  Where was God when Kevin’s car was out of control?  Why didn’t God save him?  Why didn’t God simply step in and prevent the accident all together?”   Could God have done so?  Absolutely!  But God chooses not to intervene in this way because God is not the master puppeteer pulling the strings of our lives.  God gives us this mortal life knowing that we will, no doubt, suffer all sorts of tragedies, as well as its many joys along the way.  We are human, after all, not immortal.  It reminds me of parents watching their children grow up.  The parents know that once their children are away from them, they may encounter things or people that can do them harm.  Yet every good parent also knows he or she must let their children go so that they can experience all that life has to offer—the good and the bad.  To do otherwise would be to rob them of life completely.

We also use the free will God gave us to make choices every day—small ones and big ones; choices that can change our lives on a dime.  And though most of us try to make the choices that are best for ourselves and those we love, we cannot account for the choices others make that may not be so good.  Our lives intersect with the lives of others every day, and so our lives can be irrevocably changed in a heartbeat by someone who makes a really bad choice on any given day.  Our prisons and graveyards are filled with both.  Indeed, when God created us, we were not promised a “rose garden”—at least not in this life.

The “rose garden” is yet to come.  That’s where Kevin is now.  Those who cry for Kevin do so because they loved him, and they miss him.  They expected to have so many more years with him.  And so our tears are really tears for ourselves—for our loss, for our sadness. The pain is deep and unrelenting.  But, Kevin is in paradise.  If he could, he would tell us not to cry for him.  He does not need our tears.  Kevin is in paradise.

When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, he did so not because Lazarus had been his friend, and he simply decided to use his power as the Son of God to bring him back.  Rather, Jesus raised Lazarus because he wanted the people around him to see that he truly was the Son of God.  Jesus performed that miracle because he wanted the people to believe in him—and, as we heard in the Gospel reading, many did.

God wants us to believe also, but it is so much harder to believe when Jesus is not here in person performing miracles, isn’t it?  But, I suggest that maybe we’re looking for the wrong kind of miracle.  Though we cannot have Kevin back with us, perhaps, because we have lost him, we will see miracles of new life in one another.  Perhaps we will come to treasure one another more dearly.  Perhaps we will pay more attention to the needs of others and put those needs ahead of our own.  Perhaps we will be more patient with one another because we know how fleeting and temporary this life really is.  Perhaps we will allow God to work in us in a way we never expected.  All of those possibilities and more would be real miracles for us.

When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead he made something good come from something bad.  But, it wasn’t about just having Lazarus back.  It was about people coming to believe that God loved them enough to send his only Son to die and be raised for their eternal salvation.

Kevin is the beneficiary of God’s sacrifice of his own son.  So, indeed, Kevin HAS been raised from the dead.  He lives eternally with God.  That is the most important miracle of all.  It is the ONLY thing that can help us make any sense out of this senseless tragedy.

The pain of losing Kevin is deep and intractable, but we must remember that Kevin’s life was one filled with great meaning and purpose.  Kevin was a father who adored his little son, Garrett.  He was a son who treasured his parents.  He was a Marine who loved his mission, his country, and his fellow Marines.  He was a good man who lived a short life, but a life of which we can all be proud.  And now he continues his life in paradise.  Amen.

The Rev. Janice Ford
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal), Webster, MA

Like so many Americans, I watched the summer Olympics this year with great interest and enthusiasm.  My favorites were gymnastics, swimming, beach volleyball, and track and field.  Though I, too, take great pride in those American athletes who competed, I found myself also cheering on athletes from other nations who had stories to tell—those who suffered great hardships to get to the Olympics, or those who rebounded from severe injuries to make it back to competing again.

What strikes me the most about all the athletes is their unwavering dedication to their goal.  Hours upon hours of practice, the stress of competition leading up to the Olympic games, and the sacrifices made in their personal lives are just some of what these men and women (some of them really still children) endure in order to achieve greatness.

It is obvious to me that there is much more to what drives these individuals than just the possibility of a gold medal and its ensuing life changes.   It is also obvious to me that it is more than just the physical skill and prowess they possess that allows them to be successful.  I believe that these individuals would succeed whether competing in a sporting event, or working in any field, anywhere, doing anything.  In other words, these are people who understand several important things about living a successful life:   that one has to have a goal; that one has to understand that the path to achieving that goal may be laden with obstacles, and that there will undoubtedly be failures along the way; that one has to be willing to make great personal sacrifices in order to achieve the goal; that one has to be willing to put in the time, effort, energy and hard work in order to achieve the goal; and that one has to surround him or herself with people who can not only teach them the best way to achieve the goal, but who will continue to support and sustain them through all of it.

All of what I have just described is also what it takes to achieve the goal of living a life grounded in Christ. Consider the similarities:  at some point in our lives we choose Christ as our goal; the One whose goal it is to lure us away from God will create many temptations to trip us up on our journey; because we are human, we will stumble and fall from time to time along the way; following Christ is not easy—or popular—so we must make great sacrifices in terms of how we live in order to have the life Christ wants for us; the work of Christianity is difficult--it is not always easy to put God first, to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, to make choices that benefit others as well as ourselves, to spread the Gospel, and to make time to worship, study Scripture, and to pray; we need Jesus as our “coach” and teacher, and we find his guidance in the words of Scripture; and, finally, we surround ourselves with those who have the same goal as ours, so that we can continually offer one another support and encouragement through good times and bad.

Now that the Olympic games have ended, many of us are able to name those athletes who won medals and broke records.  However, there were many others who competed, but did not fare as well.  Their names may not be known or remembered by anyone beyond their families, hometowns, or their own scrapbook of memories.  When we consider living a life grounded in Christ, however, here is where the similarity ends.  Our names are already written in God’s Book.  God awards the highest honor of eternal life to everyone who seeks after that goal—no matter how many times we fail.  What God asks is that we continue to try.  In the end, we will all stand on the podium together, and the anthem we hear will be that of the angels and archangels singing God’s praises.

The Rev. Janice Ford
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating.  People are searching for something to make their lives meaningful, and what they are coming up with is too often not worth the effort.  Many people in their forties and fifties have written off the church they were raised in for a variety of reasons.  Those in their twenties and thirties may have never had the relationship with a particular Christian denomination that “mid-lifers” typically did, so they feel totally disconnected.  The reality is that with the possible exception of people sixty and over, many have simply given up on being part of any Christian denomination.  Some have disavowed belief in God entirely because they confuse faith with denominational beliefs, when in fact one can definitely have the former without the latter.  In other words, a person can believe in a creator God, as well as Jesus as God’s son and our savior, without belonging to a particular Christian denomination—mainline or otherwise.  Perhaps that is the current draw to non-denominational Christian faith communities some people are experiencing.

Now, I have to say that this makes me a bit nervous and unsettled.  I am, after all, a priest in the Episcopal Church.  Though our denomination is nowhere near as strident as some, and is certainly not fundamentalist in any way, it is a sacramental, liturgical church that does have more structure in its doctrine than some of our non-denominational counterparts.  I certainly don’t want to lose those things about our church that are theologically sound, or that enhance our relationship with God.  However, I know that every Christian denomination needs to make some adjustments if it is to be relevant in the lives of average Americans today.

Here is what I know anecdotally about what people want in a Christian faith community:  they want to feel they belong; they want to have an opportunity to experience God in a way they wouldn’t get in any other environment; they want help interpreting Scripture so that it is relevant to their lives; they don’t want a list of rules to follow outside of those instituted by God; they want to worship God and not the institutional church; they want to be assured that God loves them; they want to learn how to live a better life; and most importantly, they want a real, tangible relationship with God that will carry them from this life to the next.

Just as people are searching for a way to find all of the above, I am searching for a means to help provide it.  I have no idea how or when this “way” will emerge, but I am anxious to start working on it.  In the coming months I will say more about this work, here in this column, and via other means.  Watch for it, because Jesus said, “Wherever two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

The Rev. Janice Ford
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

A lot of people ask me about death and dying.  I find this a little ironic considering that I have no more knowledge of dying than any other living person in the world.  Even asking someone with a terminal illness about dying would not provide much firsthand information.  The sickest of the sick are no closer to dying than any of us given the fact that none of us knows when or where it will happen.  The healthiest person’s life can be snuffed out in an instant.  Undoubtedly, people living with a terminal illness may think about dying more than the rest of us, but the fact remains that for as long as there is breath in our bodies, we are all on a very level playing field when it comes to death.

The aspect of dying that concerns us most is fear of the unknown.  For all our speculation, we simply do not know what happens when our bodies cease to function, and we are no longer alive in this space and time.  Those who have had “near death” experiences have recounted a feeling of peace and calm, seeing a “bright light,” and not wanting to return to their bodies.  From a scientific perspective, some wonder if these are truly experiences of death, or simply the body’s response to a prolonged lack of oxygen.  It is unlikely we will ever truly know, and so we are left with that unrelenting fear of leaving this life, and heading to something we cannot even begin to imagine.

When folks ask me about death, they typically begin by quoting things from Scripture and/or the things they were taught as children.  They want to know about the final judgment (can we truly repent at the last second).  They want to know if I think heaven is a place (surely God would not be limited in that way).  They want to know if I think there are any people in hell (if God is truly merciful).  They want to know if they will have the same body (if we are raised from the dead).

I can only assure people of three things:  1) No one can answer any of these questions with absolute certainty; 2) I have asked all of these questions myself, and; 3) I am certain of nothing except that when our time in these bodies is over, we will experience God in a way we simply cannot know in this life.

It is clear to me that the reason people ask me about death and dying is not because they really expect me to have answers, but because they know I am a person of faith.  Believers want comfort from other believers.  We want reassurance that our faith is not in vain.  So, here is what I know about death:  The logistics of dying do not really matter because when we are experiencing them it will be too late to be concerned.  Our focus will be on the rapture of being in the presence of Almighty God—whatever that is, and in whatever form it comes.  The best way to prepare for death—and we must ALWAYS be prepared to die—is to live every minute as if it will be our last.  I say this not to be morbid or obsessive, but rather to emphasize that our hope is not in this life, but in the life to come.

The Rev. Janice Ford
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

There’s a new commercial out for the Toyota Venza.  A teenage girl sits at her computer.  She tells us how concerned she is about her parents who, in her opinion, have no social life.  They recently joined Facebook, and have all of “19 friends.”  She mouths the words “How sad!” Cut to video of her parents and four friends unloading their bicycles from the Venza, and heading off onto the trail for a day of fun and exercise.  Meanwhile, our teen critic sits alone at her computer bragging about her 900+ Facebook friends.  Her voice trails off mumbling something about the picture of a kitten on-line.  The voiceover guy then tells us everything we need to know about how owning a Venza will make us the happiest, most social people on the planet.

Now in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that I actually own a Venza, and I love it.  Owning it, however, has neither increased nor decreased my number of friends, my ability to ride a bicycle, or my overall health and happiness.

What is so interesting about this commercial is the impact of the underlying message it imparts.  The message is a tongue-in-cheek poke at social media and the supposed benefit it provides.  Basically, having 900+ Facebook friends does not guarantee a social life or any kind of serious, mutually beneficial relationship with anyone.

Now before someone attempts to contradict me by saying how social media has reconnected them with old friends, is helpful to those who cannot venture far from home, and allows folks to see umpteen photos of their grandchildren, let me say that I agree, and that social media does have its benefits.  My point, however, is that it is not social media itself that fosters real relationships.  It is merely a vehicle (no pun intended) to do so. Like the teenager in the commercial, however, not everyone gets that point.

What fosters real relationships is genuine caring and love among people.  Without that genuine care and love, the teenager’s 900 friends are merely an array of “talking” Hallmark cards.  Insight and experience tells me that is exactly what most people experience via social media—that, and an inexplicable belief that others actually care what they are doing every minute of every day.

Clearly, Jesus did not have the benefit of Facebook or Twitter--though I must give a shout-out to the Holy Spirit who has done more personal communicating over the centuries than Steve Jobs could have ever imagined—(and she does not need to be hung on a belt loop or stuffed into a purse for easy access.)  Jesus’ message about relationships was pretty clear.  “Love the Lord your God with all your mind, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.”

Since it is a fact of normal human psychological development that we have genuine love for ourselves, Jesus’ mandate to us regarding how we should feel about others is a tough one.  Genuine love and caring for others, then, requires a good deal more than posting on a social website.  It requires sacrifice and selflessness.  If we have genuine care and love for others, we will do all that is required of us to demonstrate that fact.  That may mean shutting off the computer so that we can have a real conversation with the person by phone.   Or, it may actually mean hopping into our Venzas and going to visit someone we’ve been “friends” with.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

It is no secret that organized Christian religions have become increasingly unpopular over the past fifteen to twenty years.  The once brand-loyal mainline Protestants, Roman Catholics, and other Christian denominations are turning away from traditional expressions of worship and the institutional doctrines and dogma that undergird them.  Volumes have been written about this trend, and my effort here is not to try and find the cause and effect of this trend in five hundred words or less.  Rather, my goal is to provide some sense of hope and grounding in the understanding that God will not be defeated in spite of our efforts to deconstruct traditional religious paradigms.

This hope and grounding lives in five clear elements of Christian faith.  First, God is eternal.  God was, is, and always will be.  Second, God is good.  Third, God created human beings (and all of creation) out of love, and seeks to be in relationship with us. Fourth, God speaks to us through the writings of the Hebrew and New Testaments which were inspired by the Holy Spirit.  Last, the path to eternal life has been made possible for us by the death and resurrection of God’s Son, Jesus Christ.  It is these five elements that form the basis of all Christian life and worship, regardless of denomination.

A sad commentary on the nature of human beings is to say that we are never satisfied.  Living in and through these five elements of faith should be enough for us.  Unpacking and integrating them into our daily lives should keep us fairly busy.  Somehow, though, we (and by we, I mean the Church) have managed to turn these five elements of Christianity into something that is, at times, unrecognizable and, dare I say, irrelevant to most Christians.  In spite of us, however, I believe that Christianity as a religion will survive, but suffice it to say that the Church has an enormous chore ahead to undo the damage that has been done.

I said at the outset that this would be a commentary on hope and grounding that God will not be defeated.  It is precisely because of those five elements of Christian faith that this is so.  God is God, and we are not.  Christianity will survive if God wills it, and truthfully, we have little to say in the matter.  The Church has a great deal of work to do to catch up with God’s will, and in the meantime, we live on in the blessed assurance that God is eternal; God is good; God created us out of love and seeks to be in relationship with us; God speaks to us through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in Scripture; and the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ has made eternal life possible for us.

Christians should not abandon the worship and church-life of their parents, or perhaps their own childhoods.  That accomplishes nothing.  Rather, we need to find ways to bring back into focus the five elements of Christian faith that I believe God wants us to live in and through.  God will not be defeated, and neither should our life with God.  We need to speak loudly and clearly for what we know we need in our churches in order to live the life God is calling us to.  As a priest of the Episcopal Church, I can guarantee you I’m listening, so speak up, my friends.